I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
