I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
