yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
