Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
