is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
