I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
