I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
