I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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