if i can run in heels then i can drive
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
