just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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