I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
