so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You made out with two different species that night
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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