i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He kissed a someone with a penis
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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