yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
