i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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