Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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