My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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