my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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