Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
