I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
