I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
