Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
