I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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