my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
