oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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