This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
