that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
