dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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