I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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