i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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