I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
