Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
