there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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