so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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