Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
