bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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