I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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