i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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