Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
