Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
