I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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