too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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