we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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