i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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