My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
