Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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