Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Randomize
