I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
