Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
