I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
