I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
