it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
