I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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