Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
