so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize
