summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
