Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
