Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
