I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
